For the first time since I started to take a more serious interest in the art and technique of photography, I’m depressed, uncertain, and shaken about my abilities (as modest as they are) and artistic sensibilities.
I have not gotten a single positive comment on any of my work in my current photo class. That has never happened to me before during a class or critiquing.
Sure I understand my photos could be improved, and I do appreciate the critical feedback. But aren’t any of my photos better than some of the other students’ work? Apparently not. And when the instructor praises photos that I don’t think are especially good, or gushes over techniques that don’t appeal to me, I wonder if I know anything at all about what a good photograph is.
Plus, I’m not sure I even understand what I’m supposed to be aiming at in my current class assignment.
I thought I did. But then when the instructor told other students that having “interesting backgrounds” was important, well, what does that say about my stark black or white backgrounds that I thought so stylistically appropriate for the mood of the assignment? And he said to another student, “So much is about the shadows.” But there aren’t any visible shadows on my black backgrounds, and some of my other photos are cropped so tightly that any shadows aren’t visible. So are the photos without shadows that I took and liked all wrong? Right now, I have no idea.
And Photoshop, my nemesis.
A Photoshop class was not a prerequisite for my current class, so why the presumption that I know what I’m supposed to do? I’m trying, I really am. And I want to learn. I truly do. But it’s frustrating when I apparently am already supposed to know my way around Photoshop much better than I do at this point.
And then I inadvertently do something in Photoshop I wasn’t supposed to do, and as a result, something that wasn’t supposed to happen happens, and I don’t know what I did wrong or how to undo the wrong thing I did. And the instructor comes over to me to look at my screen and asks, “What did you do?” And I haven’t a clue, so all I can honestly say is, “I don’t know.” And I feel incredibly incompetent, and that I don’t belong in the class.
I left my most recent class feeling totally disheartened and wondering if I’ll ever be a photographer.